Extended Family Interference: Managing Relationships with In-Laws and Extended Family To Avoid Issues

Marriage is a sacred covenant between couples, established by God. It is designed to be a lifelong union built on love, trust, and faith. However, one of the challenges many couples face is the interference of extended family members, particularly in-laws.

While family relationships are important, God calls married couples to prioritize their union over external influences. In Genesis 2:24, the Bible clearly states:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

This “leaving and cleaving” does not mean abandoning family but establishing a new household with its own identity. When extended family members—whether parents, siblings, or relatives—become too involved, conflicts can arise.

So, how can couples manage extended family interference while maintaining honor, love, and respect? Let’s explore common causes, biblical solutions, and practical steps to protect the marriage relationship.

Understanding Extended Family Interference in Marriage

Extended family interference can take many forms, including:

1. Parental Control

   • Some parents struggle to release their adult children and continue making decisions on their behalf.
   • This can lead to conflicts when spouses feel they are not being given full authority in their own marriage.

2. Unsolicited Advice and Pressure

   • Family members may try to dictate how a couple should handle finances, parenting, or household decisions.
   • While advice can be well-intended, constant pressure can create division in the marriage.

3. Comparison and Favoritism

   • Some in-laws compare their child’s spouse to other family members.
   • Favoritism can breed resentment, causing friction in relationships.

4. Over-Dependency on Family

   • Financial or emotional dependence on extended family members can make it difficult for a couple to establish independence.
   • Parents or relatives may expect control over decisions in exchange for their support.

5. Cultural and Religious Expectations

   • Some traditions place heavy expectations on spouses to obey their in-laws, which can create tension and role confusion.

6. Overstepping Boundaries

   • Some family members may show up unannounced, interfere in personal matters, or dictate how a couple should live.
   • Without clear boundaries, this can become a source of stress and division.

The Biblical Way to Handle Extended Family Interference

1. Establish a God-Centered Marriage

• A strong marriage is rooted in Christ.
• When both spouses commit to putting God first, family conflicts become easier to navigate.
• Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

Action Step:

• Pray together as a couple and seek God’s wisdom on how to handle family dynamics.
• Make sure decisions are based on biblical principles, not external pressures.

2. Set Clear Boundaries in Love

• Boundaries do not mean rejection—they are about protecting the marriage.
• Spouces should discuss acceptable levels of involvement from extended family.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries:

• Decide how much influence extended family will have on decisions.
• Communicate to family members that your spouse’s voice is equally important.
• Kindly but firmly let in-laws know which decisions are for the couple alone to make.

Practical Approach:

• Instead of saying:
  “Stop interfering in our marriage.”
• Say:
  “We love and respect you, but we have to make this decision as a couple.”

3. Prioritize Your Spouse Over External Influences

• After God, your spouse should be your highest earthly priority.
• Do not allow external opinions to come before your spouse’s feelings and concerns.
• Defend your spouse when necessary and avoid taking sides against them with family members.

Practical Example:

• If a family member speaks negatively about your spouse, address it immediately with love and wisdom.
• Reassure your spouse that they are your first priority after God.

4. Avoid Gossip and Negative Speech

• Never speak badly about your in-laws to your spouse, as this can create bitterness.
• Likewise, avoid discussing marital conflicts with extended family—this can invite unnecessary opinions and bias.
• Instead of complaining, pray for wisdom and peace in relationships.

5. Seek Wise Counsel if Needed

• If conflicts with extended family become overwhelming, seek guidance from a Christian counselor, pastor, or trusted mentor.
• Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety.”

6. Trust God to Change Hearts Over Time

• Some extended family members may not immediately respect boundaries.
• Through prayer, love, and consistent actions, their hearts can change over time.
• Continue to love them from a distance when necessary, and trust God to bring peace.

How to Be Delivered from Unhealthy Extended Family Influence

1. Repent from any misplaced priorities—Ask God to help you place Him first, your spouse second, and others after.
2. Renounce any manipulation or control—Declare that you and your spouse will not be controlled by external pressures.
3. Pray for healing and restoration—If past conflicts with in-laws have caused wounds, ask God to bring peace and healing.
4. Speak words of life over your marriage—Declare that no external force will divide your home.

Prophetic Decree: Divine Order in Marriage

I decree that my marriage is built on Christ, and no external influence will divide us. My spouse and I walk in unity, wisdom, and love. Every spirit of division, manipulation, and confusion is broken in Jesus’ name. My marriage is blessed, protected, and free from negative interference. I receive God’s wisdom to handle family relationships with love and grace. Amen.